Ramblings of a desperate woman
Recently I've felt as if I'm at the lowest in my life. As if the universe itself is throwing obstacle after obstacle to see how long before I snap, as if I'm a puppet in some sick joke of a comedy. I've failed uni, I can't find a job, my country is slowly turning into a Russian fanclub, friends have started to hate me, my ADHD is making my life a living hell, my parents keep screaming at me for stuff I have no control over. My recent "incident" really pushed me over the edge, for the sake of the people involved I'd rather not talk about it, but it was something that affected me to the point where I haven't even been able to sleep for the past few days. It's left me in a constant state of anxiety, and even if mentally I'm over it, my body is still in fight or flight. I have genuinely lost interest in most of my hobbies, and I can't even get myself to eat properly, to the point where eating food makes me nauseous. I feel like I should probably try getting therapy or something to help with my current state, but I have no clue where I would even start with that, especially considering I'm unemployed and my parents would probably not give a singular fuck. It feels like I'm just in the passenger seat of my own life just watching the car meet it's inevitable end. I've been fighting the urge to cut or do any other kind of self-harm for the past few months, but at this point it feels like there's no other way to at least distract myself from all the shit happening.